Post by Goku on May 6, 2005 5:08:51 GMT -5
Don't eat only the food the schol supplies, or you'll die.
Smoke lots of pot, except during tests. (if you don't smoke, ignore this advice.)
Drink lots of alcohol, but only on schoolnights. This ensures you will be as hungover as possible for class in the morning.
When scheduling for classes, do not, under any circumstances, take friday classes. This is reserved for freshmen, and people who don't want to have a life. Weekends begin thursday night, not friday.
Hit on as many girls as possible, except for girls in a sorority (unless you're in a fraternity.) Regardless of what anyone else says, this is for the better. TRUST me.
Do NOT, under any circumstances, join a fraternity. Instead, say that you are 'thinking about it, but can't decide'. This will insure that you will go to the rush parties for all the frats, drink for free (a lot), get to meet the most people, and will also prevent you from being one of the dumbasses who decided to rush for the first group of frat boys that shook his hand. Little does this poor ignorant soul know of the horrors that await him. (let alone not having partied as much as he could have or free.)
Do not, under any circumstances, use the library as a place to study. it is reserved only as a place to get books for free, or to flirt with girls who are trying to pretend like they're sophisticated. instead, study either during different classes, or at frat parties that you're too hungover to drink at. (this will ensure that you will at least get the occasional pickup-line from girls who don't like to party, but were dragged along by their partying girls, and are instead looking for the guys who don't like to party, at a party.)
Put your bed up on stilts / cement blocks. It gives you essential space for everything.
Get as many extra blankets, pillows, tapestries, speakers, speaker wire as possible. hire a feng shui consultant, and get tons of decorations. Remember, how popular you are is not how cool you are, it's how awesome your pad is, how many people it can incorporate, and how liberal you are in the allowance of alcoholic beverages and smoking, in your room. If you smoke pot, and don't want to spend a lot of money on it, having a sweet pad is absolutely essential for getting smoked up. Also, as a pre-requisite to this advice, make sure you either have a cool roomate you know, or a roommate who will let you get away with bloody murder. there is NO GRAY ZONE AT ALL! If your roommate does not allow you to do anything you damn well please, he sucks, and will only hold you back.
Don't worry about homework and essays. Those are the easy parts. if you're in a 100 or 200 level class, essays are generally graded not by how sheerly awesome they are, but by whether or not you did it, whether you can spell your name correctly, and whether you in a very mediocre manner, cover the material. Remember, only in rare cases, are the papers even graded by the teacher themselves. they usually have a TA doing this. My friend was a TA, and I would commonly find myself grading essays for classes I have never taken before. Strangely enough, the essays I graded were the ones which had the most red ink on them. Don't ask! at least I didn't flunk anybody. Worry only about the tests, they're the hard part.
Study for those tests as frequently as possible. it's not too early to begin studying the second week of school. Do not under any circumstances, do any homework whatsoever the first week. Merely claim that you have not gotten your books yet. What you should do, is get your books before you even go to class for the first time. all you need is the name of the class, and the syllabus can usually be found online from a previous year (unless it's a new class). you'll get it cheaper, and the point is, before everyone else. if you wait until the second week of school to get it, you will instead, not be able to get the book, until the third week. and believe me, the excuse " i don't have my books yet" only works several times. The point is, it DOES work, so take advantage of it, regardless of whether you have the books yet.
Make good use of all the cool stuff your campus offers. I mean this even in an academic sense. you'll be surprised at all the sweet buffets that are offered to people who are scholarly (or hungry) enough to attend the guest lectures. the food is always catered, and never supplied by the school cafeteria.
Follow these simple rules and you'll do great! Have fun! And most importantly: NEVER EVER cheat.
later!
Smoke lots of pot, except during tests. (if you don't smoke, ignore this advice.)
Drink lots of alcohol, but only on schoolnights. This ensures you will be as hungover as possible for class in the morning.
When scheduling for classes, do not, under any circumstances, take friday classes. This is reserved for freshmen, and people who don't want to have a life. Weekends begin thursday night, not friday.
Hit on as many girls as possible, except for girls in a sorority (unless you're in a fraternity.) Regardless of what anyone else says, this is for the better. TRUST me.
Do NOT, under any circumstances, join a fraternity. Instead, say that you are 'thinking about it, but can't decide'. This will insure that you will go to the rush parties for all the frats, drink for free (a lot), get to meet the most people, and will also prevent you from being one of the dumbasses who decided to rush for the first group of frat boys that shook his hand. Little does this poor ignorant soul know of the horrors that await him. (let alone not having partied as much as he could have or free.)
Do not, under any circumstances, use the library as a place to study. it is reserved only as a place to get books for free, or to flirt with girls who are trying to pretend like they're sophisticated. instead, study either during different classes, or at frat parties that you're too hungover to drink at. (this will ensure that you will at least get the occasional pickup-line from girls who don't like to party, but were dragged along by their partying girls, and are instead looking for the guys who don't like to party, at a party.)
Put your bed up on stilts / cement blocks. It gives you essential space for everything.
Get as many extra blankets, pillows, tapestries, speakers, speaker wire as possible. hire a feng shui consultant, and get tons of decorations. Remember, how popular you are is not how cool you are, it's how awesome your pad is, how many people it can incorporate, and how liberal you are in the allowance of alcoholic beverages and smoking, in your room. If you smoke pot, and don't want to spend a lot of money on it, having a sweet pad is absolutely essential for getting smoked up. Also, as a pre-requisite to this advice, make sure you either have a cool roomate you know, or a roommate who will let you get away with bloody murder. there is NO GRAY ZONE AT ALL! If your roommate does not allow you to do anything you damn well please, he sucks, and will only hold you back.
Don't worry about homework and essays. Those are the easy parts. if you're in a 100 or 200 level class, essays are generally graded not by how sheerly awesome they are, but by whether or not you did it, whether you can spell your name correctly, and whether you in a very mediocre manner, cover the material. Remember, only in rare cases, are the papers even graded by the teacher themselves. they usually have a TA doing this. My friend was a TA, and I would commonly find myself grading essays for classes I have never taken before. Strangely enough, the essays I graded were the ones which had the most red ink on them. Don't ask! at least I didn't flunk anybody. Worry only about the tests, they're the hard part.
Study for those tests as frequently as possible. it's not too early to begin studying the second week of school. Do not under any circumstances, do any homework whatsoever the first week. Merely claim that you have not gotten your books yet. What you should do, is get your books before you even go to class for the first time. all you need is the name of the class, and the syllabus can usually be found online from a previous year (unless it's a new class). you'll get it cheaper, and the point is, before everyone else. if you wait until the second week of school to get it, you will instead, not be able to get the book, until the third week. and believe me, the excuse " i don't have my books yet" only works several times. The point is, it DOES work, so take advantage of it, regardless of whether you have the books yet.
Make good use of all the cool stuff your campus offers. I mean this even in an academic sense. you'll be surprised at all the sweet buffets that are offered to people who are scholarly (or hungry) enough to attend the guest lectures. the food is always catered, and never supplied by the school cafeteria.
Follow these simple rules and you'll do great! Have fun! And most importantly: NEVER EVER cheat.
later!
