Post by Chris on May 8, 2005 19:30:46 GMT -5
Has middle class suburban life got your head hangin low? Having a personal (or cultural) identity crisis and don't know what to do? Well fret not, help is here! You can be cured of your individuality by assuming one of these pre-packaged identities, but remember, you ideas and opinions must never stray from the group. Think you can skate?... Well, then Jackass is your favorite show. Care about the environment? Congratulations, you're also a lesbian. Ever built your own computer? You're a geeky social reject (I hope you're enjoying the rest of this site). So here now are you choices. Pick wisely
1. Meet Tara
Tara is a RAVER. Emotionally dead, her only excitement comes in the form of a powerful, potentially deadly white pill. She may have made it this far in life without contracting an STD, but in either case, one thing is certain: She will blow you.
This choice might be for you if you enjoy the high-energy world of trance music and friends who don't give a fuck about you. Warning: Stints in rehab are inextricably linked to this lifestyle.
Requirements, as shown above, are the tatoo and the facial pierceing. The slutty dress is an absolute necessity. If your self-esteem is low, or better yet, non-existant, then give this identity some serious thought.
(If anybody actually does know this girl, please don't tell her about this thread.)
2. Our next group is one that we're all very familiar with. WIGGERS are a tried and true social trend, and with mainstream hip-hop getting crappier, but strangely more popular every day, this is one that can carry you through all of your pathetic, loveless childhood. Take Marc for example:
Here's a boy who radiates confidence. See that fierce, fiery look in his eye? That stems from his bold self image, which looks something like this:
This identity is not for the feint of heart. At the beginning, you must pick a color, red or blue, and base your entire wardrobe on it. Thicken up that urban accent by listening to rap, but nothing intelligent or underground; If it's not on the radio, it's "wack".
Smoking weed is a must, selling it is preferable. Also, you must be willing to hit on any girl no matter where you are, i.e a party, yelling from a moving car, her father's funeral, etc.
3. Legend has it that in the late 1990’s, a group of 20-year-olds heard the sounds of an animal being tortured, and based a genre of music on it. If you’re a loner, or want to pretend to be, EMO might be for you. It’s easy to jump right in; all you need is thick-rimmed glasses, and a v-neck sweater. Under no circumstances can this sweater fit you. Here’s an illustrated guide:
The music you listen to can make or break you in this slow paced, soul-rotting quagmire of emotional health. Bright Eyes, Fallout Boy, Taking Back Sunday are all good places to start. Want to make your own music? It’s Easy! Combine a single-subject notebook full of bad poetry with six months worth of guitar lessons, and you have all it needs to not only be part of this non-conformist culture, but to thrive. Don’t stay in too long though, after a certain point you wont be taken seriously without committing suicide.
4. If you’re looking for something a little more physical, but requiring no skill at all, you might want to be a SKATER. This is a poser-heavy activity, so actual skating skills are completely unnecessary. Bragging, however, is essential. Tell everyone about that sweet pop shove-it you did last night by yourself. Don’t mention that you were playing Tony Hawk’s Pro-Skater when you did it.
And for the love of God, remember what kind of skating were talking about:
You’ll also need graffiti name, or a “tag”. Constructing one is easy: take any four or five-letter word, misspell it, and then add a number to the end of it. For example: Seam, Legit and Crack become Ceme2, Leg’t4 and Craq99. This is your chance to be creative; personalize it! Write this with a thick permanent marker everywhere you go. The alley behind Wal-Mart can become your own personal art gallery.
Well, that wraps it up. Although you're still a loser at heart, you now appear to be less of one. The new you is probably loaded with people pretending to be your friends. Have fun with it. Switch it up even (Four identities, four years of high school. Catch my drift?) Most importantly, and I can't stress this enough, if you know any of the people whose pictures appear in this thread, DO NOT TELL THEM.
1. Meet Tara
Tara is a RAVER. Emotionally dead, her only excitement comes in the form of a powerful, potentially deadly white pill. She may have made it this far in life without contracting an STD, but in either case, one thing is certain: She will blow you.
This choice might be for you if you enjoy the high-energy world of trance music and friends who don't give a fuck about you. Warning: Stints in rehab are inextricably linked to this lifestyle.
Requirements, as shown above, are the tatoo and the facial pierceing. The slutty dress is an absolute necessity. If your self-esteem is low, or better yet, non-existant, then give this identity some serious thought.
(If anybody actually does know this girl, please don't tell her about this thread.)
2. Our next group is one that we're all very familiar with. WIGGERS are a tried and true social trend, and with mainstream hip-hop getting crappier, but strangely more popular every day, this is one that can carry you through all of your pathetic, loveless childhood. Take Marc for example:
Here's a boy who radiates confidence. See that fierce, fiery look in his eye? That stems from his bold self image, which looks something like this:
This identity is not for the feint of heart. At the beginning, you must pick a color, red or blue, and base your entire wardrobe on it. Thicken up that urban accent by listening to rap, but nothing intelligent or underground; If it's not on the radio, it's "wack".
Smoking weed is a must, selling it is preferable. Also, you must be willing to hit on any girl no matter where you are, i.e a party, yelling from a moving car, her father's funeral, etc.
3. Legend has it that in the late 1990’s, a group of 20-year-olds heard the sounds of an animal being tortured, and based a genre of music on it. If you’re a loner, or want to pretend to be, EMO might be for you. It’s easy to jump right in; all you need is thick-rimmed glasses, and a v-neck sweater. Under no circumstances can this sweater fit you. Here’s an illustrated guide:
The music you listen to can make or break you in this slow paced, soul-rotting quagmire of emotional health. Bright Eyes, Fallout Boy, Taking Back Sunday are all good places to start. Want to make your own music? It’s Easy! Combine a single-subject notebook full of bad poetry with six months worth of guitar lessons, and you have all it needs to not only be part of this non-conformist culture, but to thrive. Don’t stay in too long though, after a certain point you wont be taken seriously without committing suicide.
4. If you’re looking for something a little more physical, but requiring no skill at all, you might want to be a SKATER. This is a poser-heavy activity, so actual skating skills are completely unnecessary. Bragging, however, is essential. Tell everyone about that sweet pop shove-it you did last night by yourself. Don’t mention that you were playing Tony Hawk’s Pro-Skater when you did it.
And for the love of God, remember what kind of skating were talking about:
You’ll also need graffiti name, or a “tag”. Constructing one is easy: take any four or five-letter word, misspell it, and then add a number to the end of it. For example: Seam, Legit and Crack become Ceme2, Leg’t4 and Craq99. This is your chance to be creative; personalize it! Write this with a thick permanent marker everywhere you go. The alley behind Wal-Mart can become your own personal art gallery.
Well, that wraps it up. Although you're still a loser at heart, you now appear to be less of one. The new you is probably loaded with people pretending to be your friends. Have fun with it. Switch it up even (Four identities, four years of high school. Catch my drift?) Most importantly, and I can't stress this enough, if you know any of the people whose pictures appear in this thread, DO NOT TELL THEM.
